WARNING: This post is quite graphic and is probably too much information for many.
I haven’t been writing on my blog very much lately. I’d like to say that it was because I have been so busy doing wonderful things, but the truth is I’ve been having a very scary pregnancy.
We were absolutely delighted to find out that we were pregnant in January. I was scheduled for my first ultrasound on 1/20. That day I had my first spotting but it was only the tiniest bit of blood. Because of the time frame and the spotting, the clinic decided to wait until the following week to do the ultrasound. However, my hubby couldn’t come so we had to wait another week.
During that weekend, I had some major spotting – started off brown tinged mucus. Then the cramping started and then it turned into bright red bleeding. I had a miscarriage before I had my son so I was certain that this was going to be another miscarriage. I even told many of my mommy friends (they were the only ones that knew – I couldn’t keep this from them) that I was probably having a miscarriage.
After about a day of bleeding, it subsided. So we went to the ultrasound that coming Monday. To my amazement, there was this tiny little light bleeping on the screen. I was so elated, but yet still felt very apprehensive. Other than my hubby’s family, I didn’t want to start telling everyone.
Finally last week at 11 weeks, I felt like it was time to start sharing the news.
Then last night, a little bit of pink appeared. Today I had lots of mild cramping and the dreaded brown spotting. Then this evening, the blood came… again.
Just when I think it has stopped, because it does subside, I have another blood stained tissue while using the bathroom.
My mind is struggling so much right now because I’m already attached to this baby. I swear sometimes I can feel it (although I know its too early). The thought of losing this baby is so – I can’t even come up with the appropriate words to describe my feelings.
I know that if I am miscarrying there is nothing I can do. I also know that it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to have another baby. I just don’t want to go through a miscarriage… I want my baby!
To make matters worse, I don’t have insurance right now. I’m in the process of getting it, but it’ll be about 2 more weeks before it is active. What that means is to get the peace of mind needed, I need to fork out a big chunk of change that we really don’t have right now. If it is a miscarriage, there isn’t anything that can be done. Urgent Care can’t help me, they suggest going to the ER. Going to the ER without insurance is a very expensive option without there being anything that really can be done.
So for now, I sit at home not being able to sleep, thinking about this little fetus inside of me that appears to be in jeopardy. I really hope tomorrow brings some answers/solutions.