I realized that I never updated the blogosphere on what happened. Yes, I indeed had a miscarriage last Friday.
One of the more surprising (but actually shouldn’t be surprising) things that came out of me writing about miscarriage is how many women have told me about their own miscarriages. Nearly half of all the women I know that have kids had at least one miscarriage. Some even had more than I can imagine having. The reason this isn’t surprising is that statistically, 1 out 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.
Some things I have learned during the process of having two miscarriages that you may be unaware of:
Having a miscarriage is actually a good sign of your chances of getting pregnant.
You are most fertile in the three months following a miscarriage than at any other time. So if you’re trying to have a baby, don’t wait too long before you try again.
You can get pregnant before you even have your next menstruation cycle
As long as you aren’t too far along, you can opt to have a miscarriage at home.
I do want to send a special thanks to all of the women that have contacted me showing me their support. It is so good to know that I’m not alone.
If you are currently going through a miscarriage and have stumbled across my blog, please know that you are not alone and that there are lots and lots of women out there that feel your pain and support you.
WARNING: This post is quite graphic and is probably too much information for many.
While going through the beginning stages of my miscarriages, I found myself constantly searching the internet. What I found the most comforting was reading about the experiences of other women going through the same thing. So this post is for those women out there searching for camaraderie during a very trying time.
The first time I was pregnant, I knew that something was wrong when we went to the clinic to get the first ultrasound at 7 weeks… there wasn’t a heart beat. But since we weren’t trying to get pregnant, there was a slight possibility that we were off on the dates. So we made an appointment for the next week. Two days later I started to bleed.
My friend was over and when I came back down from the bathroom, she could tell by the look on my face what was happening. I remember sitting curled up on my front porch during the beginning phase (a little bit of cramping, a bit of blood). I was sooo sad. Luckily, I was distracted from my thoughts since my friend was there (our dogs were having a play date).
But later that night, the cramping got worse and the bleeding got worse. Eventually a large clump passed. I looked in the toilet… it just looked like a large clump of tissue.
In total, I bled for about 4 days – slight bleeding 1 day before, 1 day of period bleeding, 1 night of heavy bleeding, 1 day of light bleeding, 1 day like the end of your period.
Now for the emotional stuff… With each cramp came the nagging feeling that I was never going to be able to have a child. There was a point where I was doubled over in pain. The physical pain paled to the emotional pain. I felt like a failure, I felt like I let my husband down… I felt like a bad mom. How come I couldn’t help this unborn child find its way into this world?
After the tissue passed, I felt a little better because it was obvious that it wasn’t ever going to be a child. I remember feeling a bit amazed at how our bodies know how to handle a miscarriage. My body knew that it wasn’t a viable pregnancy and continued on with the process of removing the tissue.
I didn’t really have too much time to mourn or think about it. We were engaged when I found out I was pregnant. Once we found out, we decided to move our wedding date to just a few months away (so I wouldn’t be too big on my wedding day). So after the miscarriage, I got to dive in to wedding planning.
We had such a fun wedding. It was such a beautiful day. And truth be told, I was happy I wasn’t pregnant. I got to enjoy the day, drink champagne and not worry about anything.
I wrote about most of the details leading up to the miscarriage in previous posts. The actual miscarriage was definitely worse than the first one.
Since I was farther along, it really was like giving birth to a very small baby. I know any doctors reading this will cringe at what I’m about to write, but I had my miscarriage at home. I was 12½ weeks, although my guess is that the fetus died about a week prior. I knew what the warning signs were in case something was going wrong, so I chose to do it at home.
About an hour after I wrote It appears a miscarriage is imminent I had the miscarriage. The cramping got worse and I knew it was time. Luckily, my husband was home from work and could play with Milan. I sat in the bathroom for about half an hour. Then I had the feeling like I needed to push and after a couple of pushes, the fetus came out. Yes, in the toilet. Last time, I never even questioned it. But it was different this time. I felt like it was a baby. Right after the fetus passed, the placenta came out.
I stared at the toilet for a little while and said good bye. I began to feel at peace. I went out into the living room and asked my husband if he wanted to say good bye. To my surprise, he did.
So we stood over the toilet, as a family (Milan was with us) and said good-bye. We live near the ocean (not that near, but near enough) so the sewer drains into the ocean. So we were able to give the fetus a burial at sea. Afterwards, my husband thanked me for asking him to go to say good bye. He needed closure, too.
The most surprising thing about the whole experience was how relieved I felt the next morning. When I woke up and sat down at the dining room table (my husband was already making coffee in the kitchen – he’s a good husband), my husband asked me how I was feeling. I really only felt relief. Not sadness, no pain.
8/1/11 UPDATE: I never published this post, but I think its important in case anyone comes across this blog while they are going through or just went through a miscarriage. I published it for an earlier date.
Since I wrote this, I definitely had days of feeling sad. Especially because many of my friends were pregnant, too. Whenever someone would mention September, I’d get sad… knowing that there wasn’t going to be a new baby in the house when there was “supposed” to be one.
The cramping and bleeding has not subsided and in fact it has gotten worse. I am sad that there will not be a baby in September, but I am relieved to know what is going on… not knowing is worse than knowing.
Truth be told, I was very hesitant about this pregnancy from the get go. My inner gut was telling me something was wrong, but I kept trying to convince myself that everything was okay.
To begin with, I didn’t “feel” pregnant… I just took a test because I missed my period. When I was pregnant with my son, I knew within the week. Even at the first ultrasound, I thought something was wrong because the embryo/fetus was not as big as it should be. They put my due date 2 weeks later than it should have been (I was tracking my periods very closely for the previous months and was really confident about when I ovulated).
When I had the last bleeding episode about a month ago, I really felt like something was wrong. Although we saw the heart beat on the monitor a few days after, I still had this sinking feeling in my gut that things were not right with the baby. But I convinced myself all was well and continued on as if nothing was wrong. Who wants to be “that woman” that is constantly paranoid about her pregnancy? I know I didn’t.
So now, I’m waiting in anticipation for the miscarriage to come to fruition. Although my heart is heavy, it is also relieved to not having to be worried any more.
WARNING: This post is quite graphic and is probably too much information for many.
I haven’t been writing on my blog very much lately. I’d like to say that it was because I have been so busy doing wonderful things, but the truth is I’ve been having a very scary pregnancy.
We were absolutely delighted to find out that we were pregnant in January. I was scheduled for my first ultrasound on 1/20. That day I had my first spotting but it was only the tiniest bit of blood. Because of the time frame and the spotting, the clinic decided to wait until the following week to do the ultrasound. However, my hubby couldn’t come so we had to wait another week.
During that weekend, I had some major spotting – started off brown tinged mucus. Then the cramping started and then it turned into bright red bleeding. I had a miscarriage before I had my son so I was certain that this was going to be another miscarriage. I even told many of my mommy friends (they were the only ones that knew – I couldn’t keep this from them) that I was probably having a miscarriage.
After about a day of bleeding, it subsided. So we went to the ultrasound that coming Monday. To my amazement, there was this tiny little light bleeping on the screen. I was so elated, but yet still felt very apprehensive. Other than my hubby’s family, I didn’t want to start telling everyone.
Finally last week at 11 weeks, I felt like it was time to start sharing the news.
Then last night, a little bit of pink appeared. Today I had lots of mild cramping and the dreaded brown spotting. Then this evening, the blood came… again.
Just when I think it has stopped, because it does subside, I have another blood stained tissue while using the bathroom.
My mind is struggling so much right now because I’m already attached to this baby. I swear sometimes I can feel it (although I know its too early). The thought of losing this baby is so – I can’t even come up with the appropriate words to describe my feelings.
I know that if I am miscarrying there is nothing I can do. I also know that it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to have another baby. I just don’t want to go through a miscarriage… I want my baby!
To make matters worse, I don’t have insurance right now. I’m in the process of getting it, but it’ll be about 2 more weeks before it is active. What that means is to get the peace of mind needed, I need to fork out a big chunk of change that we really don’t have right now. If it is a miscarriage, there isn’t anything that can be done. Urgent Care can’t help me, they suggest going to the ER. Going to the ER without insurance is a very expensive option without there being anything that really can be done.
So for now, I sit at home not being able to sleep, thinking about this little fetus inside of me that appears to be in jeopardy. I really hope tomorrow brings some answers/solutions.
I just learned about this awesome invention called Kaboost. It is this contraption that boosts the chair so your kid can sit in a big people chair! Of course, I don’t think this would be the best solution for a total wiggle worm. And one of the best things about it.. you can take it with you. Yeah for smart products that make mom’s life easier.
Each week, I’ve been cooking a whole chicken in the crock pot at the beginning of the week. Then in the middle of the week, I’ve been making other chicken recipes with the leftovers. Last week, I made a really yummy cream of chicken & mushroom soup that I put over rice – delicious.
1½ cups of cut up chicken
Approx 2 cups of mushrooms (sliced or diced)
1 medium onion, diced
3 cloves of garlic, pressed (or smashed)
1 cup chicken stock
¼ cup capers, chopped (or smashed)
1½ tbsp flour
2 cups milk
Salt to taste
2 cups cooked rice
Saute the mushrooms and onions. If your chicken isn’t already cooked then cook the chicken with the mushrooms and onions. You’ll want to cook them until the onions start to carmelize. Deglaze the pan by slowly adding the chicken stock. If you’re using leftover chicken, add the chicken now. Also add the garlic and capers. Simmer for at least 10 minutes but you can go as long as there is still fluid (I let it simmer for about 25 minutes). The longer you simmer it, the more rich the soup will be.
Carefully take 2 tbsp – 1/4 cup of fluid from the pan and put in a heat resistant mixing bowl. Slowly add the flour to the sauce to make a paste/roux. Gradually pour in the milk and continually stir (this method prevents clumps).
Add the milk mixture to the pan and simmer for about 10 minutes. Taste and add salt as needed.
Serve over rice and enjoy!
I often keep frozen chicken thighs or breasts on hand. Just throw the chicken into the pan and when the chicken is cooked just enough to be defrosted, remove and cut it to desired size.
A quick and easy way to crush garlic is to put the peeled garlic cloves on a cutting board and smash it with a meat tenderizer. I also use this method for the capers.
Don’t be scared of capers. I had a friend who thought they were fish and never considered using them. If you eat Italian food, you’ve probably already ate them tons of times! They are a staple in our fridge.
I use oatmeal flour when I cook with chicken. It adds an extra bit of fiber and goes really well with the chicken.
If you are using the stock from when you cooked a whole chicken in the crock pot, you may or may not need salt. Most of the chicken stock I make is really salty and I rarely need to add salt to any recipes when I use that stock.