Well, Christmas is finally here. After a whirlwind of a month, we finally got into the Christmas spirit on the 23rd. We put up a tree, put up lights, hung our stockings and finally let the warmth of Christmas surround us.
Normally, I’m overfilled with joy and you can’t keep a smile off my face. But this year, with the news about Max, its been a little more difficult. I really have moved into the acceptance stage and am learning about what it takes to be a mom with a special needs child. I’m not the first, sadly, won’t be the last.
One of my biggest heartaches from all of this is for Milan. He’s such a GREAT big brother. He looks out for Max so much as it is. But it brings tears to my eyes nearly every time Milan talks about how he can’t wait for Max to grow up so he can run and play with him. At this point, we’re hoping he’ll be able to talk let alone walk. Running? Well, that seems like too much to ask for at this point.
Another thing that bothers me so much is how hard it is to look at my friends’ children’s photos. I have quite a few friends with babies that are just a little older or just a little younger than Max. Seeing them in photos doing the things that Max is behind in is hard to see. The reason it bothers me so much is probably not what you think. Its not that Max isn’t doing those things. Its because of the sick in my stomach feeling I get when I look at a picture that should only bring joy. I really am happy for my friends… just wish I could be experiencing those same carefree feelings you have when you look at your baby and see how much they’re growing. It feels you with so much pride.
Nonetheless, I really am happy its Christmas. And even though there is a twinge of sadness when I see some photos, I’m really truly happy for being surrounded by such amazing people in my life.
Merry Christmas everyone!