This is such a hard post to write because a part of me feels like if I don’t write it, its not true. But no amount of denial or hope will change the fact that my baby boy has major developmental delays.
I’ve known this for awhile. I could see it when I met up with some other mom’s with babies even younger than Max. I wanted to just think that he’s just taking his time but its more than that. We met with a specialist today and he told us that Max has moderate to severe delays.
When I was pregnant with Max I dreamed about how my boys would grow up: fighting over toys, racing to see who is fastest, who could swim the farthest … they’d grow up to be best friends. I hoped that at least one of my boys would live close so I could see my grandkids (maybe even a girl). I wondered what kind of person they would end up with.
It never occurred to me that I would be wondering if my son will even be able to walk!
When you’re pregnant, you always say I just want a healthy baby. After almost losing Max at birth and thus getting over the trauma, I thought I was done with all the craziness. But unfortunately it seems to just be the beginning.
There are so many thoughts going through my head and I really don’t know how to convey what exactly it is I’m feeling,, I just know that I’m overwhelmed and so incredibly sad. Don’t get me wrong, Max hasn’t been given a death sentence but its so hard to realize that your child is going to have to go through a lot of therapy just to be able to crawl.
I’ve been looking forward to taking both my boys snowboarding as soon as they’re old enough… now I’m just hoping that Max will be able to walk and have a “normal” life.