The cramping and bleeding has not subsided and in fact it has gotten worse. I am sad that there will not be a baby in September, but I am relieved to know what is going on… not knowing is worse than knowing.
Truth be told, I was very hesitant about this pregnancy from the get go. My inner gut was telling me something was wrong, but I kept trying to convince myself that everything was okay.
To begin with, I didn’t “feel” pregnant… I just took a test because I missed my period. When I was pregnant with my son, I knew within the week. Even at the first ultrasound, I thought something was wrong because the embryo/fetus was not as big as it should be. They put my due date 2 weeks later than it should have been (I was tracking my periods very closely for the previous months and was really confident about when I ovulated).
When I had the last bleeding episode about a month ago, I really felt like something was wrong. Although we saw the heart beat on the monitor a few days after, I still had this sinking feeling in my gut that things were not right with the baby. But I convinced myself all was well and continued on as if nothing was wrong. Who wants to be “that woman” that is constantly paranoid about her pregnancy? I know I didn’t.
So now, I’m waiting in anticipation for the miscarriage to come to fruition. Although my heart is heavy, it is also relieved to not having to be worried any more.