It appears a miscarriage is imminent

The cramping and bleeding has not subsided and in fact it has gotten worse.  I am sad that there will not be a baby in September, but I am relieved to know what is going on… not knowing is worse than knowing.

Truth be told, I was very hesitant about this pregnancy from the get go. My inner gut was telling me something was wrong, but I kept trying to convince myself that everything was okay.

To begin with, I didn’t “feel” pregnant… I just took a test because I missed my period. When I was pregnant with my son, I knew within the week. Even at the first ultrasound, I thought something was wrong because the embryo/fetus was not as big as it should be. They put my due date 2 weeks later than it should have been (I was tracking my periods very closely for the previous months and was really confident about when I ovulated).

When I had the last bleeding episode about a month ago, I really felt like something was wrong. Although we saw the heart beat on the monitor a few days after, I still had this sinking feeling in my gut that things were not right with the baby. But I convinced myself all was well and continued on as if nothing was wrong. Who wants to be “that woman” that is constantly paranoid about her pregnancy? I know I didn’t.

So now, I’m waiting in anticipation for the miscarriage to come to fruition. Although my heart is heavy, it is also relieved to not having to be worried any more.

Posted in Personal, Pregnancy

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