Crying over the “Biggest Loser”

As I sit here watching this week’s episode of NBC’s the “Biggest Loser” and tears are rolling down my face, I’m always surprised at how emotional it makes me. But when I stop to think about it, its not very surprising.

What my surprise you, is that I used to be a fat girl. Luckily, I wasn’t “Biggest Loser” fat, but I was around the 200 lb mark. Being fat sucks.

But the fat is just a symptom of what sucks. I have never met a truly happy fat person. And I don’t think I ever will. If you love yourself, you wouldn’t let yourself be fat. I know that I didn’t love myself when I was fat or while I was getting fat. I only learned to love myself as I lost the weight.

Yes, I loved the way I started to look in clothes. Yes, I loved the way I felt as I started lose the pounds. But it was the changes I made within that were really important.

I’ve had a lot of personal battles to fight. I was fortunate that when I was 17, I was court ordered to see a therapist (although the event that caused the court order was not good, the end result was). It has not been an easy fight. Inner demons are quite tricky to overcome. If they weren’t, everyone would be happy, balanced, center and living a life that they love.

Back to the “Biggest Loser“…

When I watch it, all I see is a whole lot of unhappiness. Those people did not put the weight on overnight. Just thinking about the collective amount of unhappiness is overwhelming.  How many nights did each of them sit eating things they knew were bad for them? How much guilt and self-hatred went along with each of those bites? Then comes the subsequent looking in the mirror in the morning and the self-loathing ensues. Then of course comes more eating… what’s more comforting than food?

Underneath all of those pounds that need to be lost is a whole lot of repair to the spirit. All of those moments of doubt and self-loathing take a long time to undo. I remembering reading or hearing (it might’ve been in a group therapy session – can’t remember exactly where I heard it) that it takes about 6 compliments/apologies to make up for 1 bad remark.

So if you had a self-deprecating thought at least once a day while you’re fat, it will take 365 days * ? years * 6 self-assuring, self-confidence boosting thoughts to make up for the damage already done. That’s a lot of inner work that needs to be done.

Its great that these few people have the support of Jillian and Bob to help through through this very tough and rough, uphill battle.

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